introduction to the author of
Naughty Neds - Karry Gardner and her
trusted steed 'Madame Ginger Bits'
Karry Gardner was spotted as
a regular visitor and contributor to the
Message Board section here on World of
Horses. We wrote to Karry to thank her for
the regular contributions offering advice to
our readers and discovered that Karry was in
fact, a rather talented writer.
Following a number of extremely humorous
email exchanges, Karry kindly agreed to
spare some of her time writing an advice
column for World of Horses.
Karry had been riding since the age of 3,
but was involved in a particularly nasty
accident which put her off riding for many
years until she was re-united with Alec
Lyall of Snainton Riding Centre,
Karry said: "I might not have ridden again,
ever, had Alec (hereafter referred to as The
Boss) not imparted this wisdom to me. All
those who were not afraid were either fools
or liars because horses are bigger,
stronger, more cunning and stubborn than any
person - If they decided to 'have you', they
most certainly would!"
According to The Boss it is only a
measure of the generosity of the horse that
they allow us to do anything at all with
them, because they certainly don't have to -
They could just run away - the least we can
do for them is feed them, care for them and
learn to communicate with them in a language
When we approached Karry, inviting her to
undertake the column she said: "As I studied
the emails that appeared on the site, some
of the main themes seem to be
"My Horse Won't ........ Do
My homework etc" " I can't my horse
to.............make his bed on a morning "
"Why is my Stallion full of testosterone and
why therefore does he bite other horses ?"
and other such gems".
"One of the problems that I encounter with
my own kids is that with various other forms
of more interesting media available to them,
they now appear unable to read "BOOKS" and
"MAGAZINES" and so maybe the idea of
educating them on the net is a good one".
In many of Karry's columns you will discover
that she will refer to experiences with her
own horse, who you will come to know as
Madame Ginger Bits or MGB for short. So here
is Karry's very humourous introduction for
her lovely chestnut mare Hayley.
We hope that you will really enjoy Karry's
columns and we wish her a warm welcome to
World of Horses!
"Madame Ginger Bits" (or MGB for short,
that's not her name, its just an
observation), her name is Hayley or
Hayleykins or Gorgeous Ginger Thing or even
"Small Ginge". That's because there are two
horses that are also chestnut on the yard
although both of them can reach the top
shelf in the tack room without having to
stand on a stool (or each other!)
Having just got a new stable companion, MGB
is presently having a bit of a sulk ! Not
that she really liked the previous
occupant of the box opposite but she had
just taught him to pull the most
extraordinary faces by getting him to copy
her furious scowls that she is famous for.
Apollo, a son of Welton Apollo, product of a
welsh girly horse, was only seven and being
a boy, very impressed with the range of
facial contortions, that this grown up
orange girly horse could show him. In fact,
he was so impressed that he bit her top lip
just to show her how grateful he was for the
lessons in scowling and grumpiness.
He thought she was, well, lovely and funny
and flirty; she thought he was a total nerd
who was easily influenced and who got
several smacks for grimacing at passers by
whilst she sniggered into her mollichop !
Anyhow, MGB has now got a cow for a
companion. Well, she told me it was a cow
but in fact it is Bella, a piebald pony who
can only just reach over the half door and
so MGB's lips are presently safe from being
ravaged again. The "cow" is even older than
her (if that is possible) and you can
imagine the conversation late at
: "Well, did you get your cocoa,
did you? They were late with my haynet
again, I ask you, get to my age and they
forget you, think you can live on water. Did
they groom you properly.?
Look at my tail, I ask you, at my age you
think that they would send round a mobile
hairdresser to give me a bit of a facial and
trim my woolly bits. Me, an old lady. Oh !
Have you seen your mane - it's gone a bit
grey dear. Why don't you have it streaked -
it'll take years off you!"
MGB: (Scowling into Bella's box) "Why
don't you shut up you boring old moo! I'm
only seven and a half (a lie!) and when Anky
van Grusnven takes me away from all this to
live with that gorgeous Bonfire bloke, I'll
have my own hairdresser and manicurist and
even my own night-time tea lady.
AND I won't have to listen to vertically
challenged aged old naglets disturbing my
beauty sleep. Be quiet and go to sleep so
that I can plot what I'm going to do in "the
Private Lesson" tomorrow".
(thinking aloud) "Maybe I won't go down on
the bit - that always annoys her, or maybe
when she puts my boots on, I'll keep lifting
each leg in turn as she tries to put them on
- that's always good for a laugh !
Oh, and striking off on the wrong lead on
the right side, she almost falls off when I
do that ! Nah ! I know, I'll pretend that my
neck is really tired and when we do that
slow collected trotting bit, I'll wave it
around in the air so that she goes all wussy
and starts saying "Oh Hayley, you naughty
horse, go forward properly and stop being
silly " and of course I won't!
I'll just stop and scratch my left knee and
then she'll have to start again with the
easy walking bit to make me go down and
round. Then the boss will yell at her and
threaten her with the lunge whip. It works
only until she gets really mad and
then she gives me this great kick with both
spurs at once (they're HUGE those Stubben
dressage jobs, to compensate for her short
legs I suppose).
Then maybe I'll let her have
fifteen minutes or so of obedience, nice
trotting and collected cantering in daft
circles and so on until she starts to go all
jelly wobbly and weak with effort and sheer
pleasure. Then she will give me a packet of
Spearmint Polo's and calls me a good girl.
Ah yes, I can twist Mummy around my left
hind windgall. I wonder if she'll get me a
mobile phone so I can ring up Bonfire and
find out if he's got any special little
jokes he likes to play on Anky 'cause I'll
need a few tips for when we go on tour
together. I wonder if Bonfire can pull this